“One of the greatest teachings of heartbreak is that of death. Heartbreak gives the opportunity to know death in a deeply intimate and personal manner, offering a dynamic range of emotions, thoughts, and sensations useful for both knowing this universal process of endings and the being that is experiencing them. Within heartbreak we may find ourselves in ways previously unknown to us.”
“You are lucky if you get your heart broken in your lifetime. I can not imagine a life spent without knowing the excruciating pain/beauty/depth of feeling that goes along with this ride.
I’m in my mid 60’s, and I think I’ve felt true heart break twice. It tears you open in a visceral way you did not know existed. Your heart never really ever heals. You get better, but your heart is scarred for life. And hopefully you emerge a more compassionate and empathetic human.”
“Love can teach you a whole lot about life. But the best teacher is that of heartbreak. You don’t ever fully know what you have until you lose it and therefore can’t understand love until you’ve lost it. Heartbreak is life’s most effective teacher. Unfortunately, what it teaches us isn’t always accurate. We learn what we choose to interpret. There are, however, lessons that we should all take from falling into and out of love – lessons that are universal. If you learn these things from the ending of a loving relationship, then you should consider yourself to have made progress in your life. Here are 10 things love can teach us that nothing else truly can:
While physical pain can be unbearable, so can emotional pain. Emotional pain is often more dangerous than physical pain because unlike physical pain, we aren’t always entirely aware of our emotional distress. It can lie dormant or simply ignored for long stretches of time. It can then rush over us in a single wave, potentially overwhelming us and even tipping us over the edge.
In many regards, emotional pain is far worse than physical pain. For most physical pains, there is a simple remedy. The same can’t be said for our emotional woes. Most people don’t fully understand this until they get their hearts broken for the first time. Heartbreak introduces us to a new kind of pain.
Love is the strongest, most intense wanting that a person can experience. When you love someone, you want him or her; you want that person more than you have wanted anything else in your life. You want to spend time with him or her. You want that person to become a part of you. When love goes awry, which it sadly often does, you are faced with a list of wants that are, for whatever reason, unattainable.
You either want him or her to keep loving you or wish you could keep loving. But you can’t. You tried. You failed. And now you wish you didn’t have to give up on it, but you know it can’t work. No matter how hard you want things to work, things sometimes simply won’t work.
Being with someone and spending your life together is wonderful, but only as long as both parties deem it so. When one of the two people begins to feel that he or she is losing out on something by dating someone, that person will give up on the relationship and move on. If this is true for love, then it is even more true for every other relationship we have.
People will always look out for themselves first and foremost. Love is arguably the only thing that can convince a person to put someone else’s needs before their own, but love doesn’t always last. Someone may be caring for you today and then tomorrow decide never to speak to you again because he or she is no longer happy. If the person you love can change in such a manner, it’s fair to assume that the rest will be even quicker to flip on you.
Well, it is, but it really isn’t. Let me explain. You are likely to fall in love with someone and then to fall out of love with him or her, and then the funniest thing happens. You begin to question whether or not you ever loved that person in the first place. You believed you loved him or her, but if you don’t anymore, then did you ever to begin with?
Most people confuse love for infatuation or obsession. People get overwhelmed by their emotions and get fooled into believing that they define their love for a person. They may have never really loved that person, only thought they did. Just the same, they may still love him or her and not understand that they do. Love has many different faces and is misunderstood frequently.
Heartbreak is always a surprise. Even when you get fair warning, it still comes on as a bit of a shock. When you fall in love, you hope so much that it will be forever that you actually begin to believe it will be. Unfortunately, it usually isn’t. Most people don’t end up with the first person they fall for and not simply because they were too young to settle down, but because their first love usually isn’t the right love. Heartbreak is just one of many surprises life brings our way.
No matter how we see the world, it all changes when we fall in love. Once we’re smitten, the whole world seems like a better, more beautiful place. Everything seems better, more pleasant and less bothersome. We’re focused, consumed by thoughts of the person we love and have little room or time to think about much else. Not to mention, when you’re consumed by love, you can’t help but be happy.
The funny thing is how this all changes when we fall out of love and/or have our heart broken. Things quickly change for the worse. This only goes to show us that our world is as bright or as gloomy as we make it out to be.
Our emotions are our natural drugs. They are the reason people use drugs to begin with: to feel more. We enjoy getting lost in our emotions because they are clarifying. They give us one specific feeling – one way of looking at and experiencing our lives at the moment. They rid us of confusion, confirming our thoughts with clear emotions.
People like to dwell on their emotions because it makes them feel more alive. This is why so many people like drama in their lives: They get carried away by their emotions and feel more alive. Unfortunately, our emotions are our own concoction and don’t necessarily have to coincide with the reality of things.
The more emotional we get, the more confusing relationships can get. Love can be incredibly intense, testing us and pushing us to the edge. When things start to go south in our relationships, many of us will start to distance ourselves from our partner or even attack him or her directly because we blame our partner – even if only secretly – for our current distress.
Love isn’t always clear and can often be confusing. When confused, many individuals go on the offensive and start to poke at his or her lover’s weaknesses. I’m not exactly sure why this is, but I feel like we’re trying to test our partners and see if we can push them to the point of breaking before we break. That way, we can blame the relationship falling apart on them, instead of taking responsibility ourselves.
Love brings us to the gates of heaven and then watches us as we crash back down to earth. But we usually survive the fall. More importantly, we all can survive the fall if we keep our head on straight and understand that all we are experiencing is a natural part of human life. Life will go on and we will keep living, long after we have our hearts broken the first time, second time or third time. No matter how bad our situation may seem, it will all one day be a distant memory.
Being naïve, we think the perfect relationship with the right person will be easy and require little maintenance. We believe it should be so natural that it fits together seamlessly. Unfortunately, I have yet to come across anything in life, completely natural or otherwise, that doesn’t require some effort to maintain.
That’s why most relationships fail – the same reason most endeavors fail: People think they’ve won before they’ve won. You only win on the day you die, having lived and loved the way you wish you had. Everything up to that point is still part of the game. You’re not done playing until you can’t play any longer. Until then, you better put in the required effort or risk losing it all.”
“7 reasons. 1. Love Isn’t Everything. At the end of the day, most humans are on the hunt for love. The majority of us want to find a partner to share our lives with, which is a totally normal and respectable desire. However, it’s only when you experience a heartbreak that you realize that love isn’t everything. Only after you’ve had a loving relationship and lost it can you truly grasp the idea that love isn’t the magic answer to all the problems in your life. In fact, sometimes letting love go is the healthier option. A loving relationship should enhance your life, but it’s far from the most important aspect of it.
Beyond the fact that love isn’t the only thing that matters in the world, it’s also just not enough on its own. You can love someone with your whole heart, but if you don’t have the same goals, don’t share the same values or can’t communicate effectively, your relationship is never going to work. It’s a tough lesson, and it really only hits home after you’ve gone through a tough breakup.
Those are the moments when you realize that all the love in the world isn’t enough to smooth over some very real relationship problems. It’s hard to accept, but it’s important to know that you can’t rely on love alone if you want to have healthy relationships in the future.
It’s the granddaddy of cliché phrases, but this saying isn’t ever more applicable than after you’ve experienced a heartbreak. As much as you don’t want to hear it, there’s always a purpose behind your breakup, and that purpose will always reveal itself. It may take weeks, months or even years before you fully understand, but heartbreak will eventually allow you to believe that everything does happen for a reason.
Even if you can’t recognize it in the moment, there was something about that person or relationship that wasn’t right for you. Allow yourself to be upset, but also remember that with time the reason behind your breakup will reveal itself.
Romantic relationships and breakups are both intensely private experiences. You’ve probably witnessed someone close to you go through a breakup in the past and wondered why they were being so sensitive or dramatic about it. It’s not until you experience your own heartbreak that you can truly grasp the pain and misery associated with it. It’s awful, but it also makes you more empathetic and understanding about the idea that you can’t judge someone else’s pain.
The only person you can consistently count on in life is yourself. It sounds jaded and pessimistic, but it’s the truth—and heartbreak brings that fact right into the spotlight. When you have a romantic partner, you learn to count on them and rely on them to help you through things in your life. When you experience heartbreak, that support system is suddenly taken away, which is why recovering from a breakup is so difficult. However, going through that painful separation will also reveal how important it is to be self-sufficient.
You can’t rely on your partner to pick up the slack when you can’t take care of yourself. Not only does that put unneeded pressure on your relationship, it also keeps you from growing as a person and following your own goals. It’s not that you shouldn’t use your partner for support, it’s simply a matter of learning that you have to maintain your own independence, even when you’re in a romantic relationship.
No matter how it happens, the end of a relationship is almost never one-sided. One partner may have stepped too far out of bounds or done something that couldn’t be forgiven, but that doesn’t mean you’re totally innocent in the decline of your relationship. In the aftermath of a breakup, you’ll start to take a good, long look at your relationship, and you’ll likely realize many areas where you made mistakes.
Heartbreak forces you to take a look in the mirror and address some truths about yourself that might be hard to swallow. It teaches you to accept responsibility for your actions in a way that no other life experience really can. It’s hard and frustrating, but it allows you to take an introspective look at yourself and make changes that will improve things in the future.
A broken heart sounds like a scary thing. And honestly? It is. It’s painful and difficult to get over, but it’s not until you experience the heartbreak that you can understand that it’s a manageable misery. It’s not something you would wish on anyone, but it’s also something everyone can get through. You’ll feel hurt, you’ll be sad and you’ll swear you’ll never love anyone again, but eventually the pain will subside and you’ll find yourself ready and open to an even greater love in the future. Heartbreak isn’t fun, but it’s also not the end of the world.
“Heartbreak, along with the agony it carries, also carries innate gifts and lessons. Among the greatest is the gift of personal sovereignty and security. Heartbreak exposes our greatest insecurities, weaknesses, and fears. This is no fun for anyone, yet if we are brave enough and curious enough, these pains can be transmuted into profound levels of security, strength, and fearlessness. From here we have the potential to enter into a new relationship from our new ground, a ground of stable independence, allowing for a truly interdependent relationship. Heartbreak exposes our co-dependent, or dependent dynamics. It gives us the golden opportunity to face the truth, that we are ultimately alone here. When we become stable in this truth, joyous, balanced relationship becomes not only possible, but inevitable.”
“Impermanence of external circumstances on our life. Heartbreak does not truly mean our heart is broken, but refers to a feeling of loss and attachment to external circumstances. This immediately plummets us to a space of unknown and uncertainty because it interrupts what we had always known from past experiences. This is the moment of infinite possibilities to happen. Learn that in moments as such that we have a choice – to be miserable about our heartbreak or be joyful about our heartbreak.”
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