by Nick S | Jan 11, 2021 | What is loneliness?
“Loneliness is the inability to connect with one’s environment. It may come in the package of being alone in the desert, or it may come in the midst of a big city. From my experience, the most profound loneliness arises from a feeling of claustrophobia – from inside my bag of skin to the outside world. It becomes a palpable discomfort that pulsates through the physical body. It becomes a debilitating, prison-like experience that is difficult to escape. I would best describe it, like a rotting fruit, as the rotting of our deepest yearning (for connection) within our own bodies and minds. We usually rely on other people, certain physical environments, and other habits, to fill our void spaces and project our values. However, when these are stripped away from us, often what is left is that void, without access to an easy filler. The fear that arises from here pulsates through us and zaps the feeling of control we usually have. This is loneliness, in my experience.”
by Shai S | Jan 11, 2021 | What is loneliness?
“Loneliness is that negative feeling that arises when our social needs are unmet by the quantity and quality of our current social relationships. As social beings, we rely on safe, secure social surroundings to survive and thrive. When we begin to feel lonely, we experience heightened feelings of vulnerability, which can take a toll on both our bodies and our minds.
Loneliness is common, affecting around 1 in 3 adults. With COVID-19 shutdowns driving people into their homes and increasing physical isolation, loneliness is a feeling that many of us might be feeling right now.
According to a recent study of 5070 participants conducted by Associate Professor Jilly Newby at the Black Dog Institute, over 50% of people reported feeling lonely during the pandemic.
For some it may be temporary, and for others it may be more long term. The subjective nature of loneliness means that people can live relatively solitary lives and not feel lonely while others may lead a seemingly rich social life and feel quite the opposite. Loneliness is not a sign of vulnerability, fragility, or weakness, nor does it occur only in people who are physically isolated or who are elderly. We can have many people around us and still feel lonely.
What puts people at risk of experiencing loneliness?
Research has found loneliness to be a modestly heritable[i] trait which affects how distressed social disconnection makes you feel – but environment tends to play a larger role. Social isolation, living alone, the recent death of a loved one and health issues are all situations that may result in a person experiencing loneliness.
Rachel Cohen, a clinical psychologist at the Black Dog Institute, says that the loneliness we might be experiencing now can be reduced with the help of social media, but it’s the quality of our online connections that count.
Physiological effects of loneliness
Loneliness is not just a social issue, it also affects our health – so much so that in 2018 the Australian Government committed $46.1 million[ii] in 2018 to combating the issue. So how bad can it be? Increased blood pressure, cholesterol and risk of developing cardiovascular disease, plus reduced brain function, are all long-term side-effects of loneliness.
Research indicates that loneliness takes a toll on our mental health too. What’s tricky is that if you already have a mental health issue, the chance you will feel lonely is increased, while feeling lonely can also increase the severity of various mental health symptoms[iii].
How to reduce loneliness
It’s clear that reducing loneliness has health benefits, but this can be difficult to tackle when we are isolated, or already feeling less than our best. In Australia we are only just starting to undertake the research required to develop evidence-based solutions. In the meantime, it’s not as simple as surrounding yourself with as many people as possible – we need meaningful connections. The good news is that we can still create and maintain these social connections while most of us are currently spending more time at home[iv].
Below are some practical ways to start tackling those feelings of loneliness.
Make contact with others
When you’re feeling your most lonely, you doubt yourself, feel anxious socially, or are just unmotivated and want to be on your own. It’s almost counterintuitive to interact with others, but that’s exactly what you need to do.
John, one of our community presenters, has been doing this lately and recommends getting out of your comfort zone. “Get in touch with someone: a family member, workmate, neighbour. It’s quite likely they will appreciate a call.”
Another one of our presenters, Shai, has been finding time to socialise. “I have weekly catchups with my friends via Zoom and make sure I check in on those who might have lost touch for a while.”
Get creative
Youth presenter Georgina has been keeping busy, doing anything she can think of to occupy her time. “I have been studying, practising and making music, talking to my friends and family, watching movies and TV shows, reading, baking, and doing crafts!”
Natalie, another one of our youth presenters, has also been exploring creative hobbies.
“I’ve been doing jigsaws, lots of jigsaws. I have bought candle making kits, and learnt how to do my nails properly, I’m cooking myself fancy things and baking my own bread. I’m exercising a lot; I get out for a couple of walks and fresh air. I’m reading a lot, sitting on my balcony in the sun with a book is relaxing.”
Volunteering
Volunteering allows us to make meaningful connections with people while establishing a sense of purpose. Studies[v] have shown the benefits of regular volunteering in reducing feelings of loneliness[vi] so why not give it a go? “You’re doing something beyond yourself which is even more satisfying,” says Rachel Cohen. Volunteering Australia is the national peak body and allows you to search for available positions based on your skills and location, and their initiative Go Volunteerhas lots of online and remote volunteering opportunities that are currently available.
Online groups
The internet offers a plethora of people from all over Australia that we can connect with instantly from the comfort of our own space. Facebook’s discover section allows you to browse groups by topic and covers everything from ‘sport and fitness’ to ‘science, technology and math’, so you are bound to find something that interests you. If you are living in a rural area you can even try creating your own.
For young people, Reach Out Forums provide a supportive, safe and anonymous space where you can chat to people online who are experiencing similar feelings as you.
Spend time with your animals
Pets, especially dogs, provide constant companionship and unconditional love – plus their need to be kept active gets you out of the house for essential exercise when you’re feeling down, Rachel points out. “They get you active and non-avoiding, while giving you a sense of purpose because you need to care for something beyond yourself.”
Get active
A 2017 study led by the Black Dog Institute showed regular exercise of any intensity can prevent future depression. Community presenter Nathan suggests getting out and making the most of essential exercise. “Get out an exercise! Not only does it release endorphins that promote positive feelings, but I find that simply being in nature can be calming.”
While tips like these can be a great start, don’t be afraid to seek help if you are struggling with the negative feelings of loneliness.
As Rachel says, “loneliness, depression and anxiety are normal reactions to abnormal circumstances, and this is nothing we’ve experienced before. It’s normal to feel this way and more common than you realize.”
by Awdhesh S | Jan 11, 2021 | What is loneliness?
“Loneliness is hazardous to our health. It’s a shame that despite technology and access to anyone you wish available at our finger tips, people still complain about loneliness. People even write poetry on this topic and have glamorized it. While one may choose to spend quality time alone from the crowd for some time, too much alone time becomes a habit and then one becomes lonely which isn’t a good sign.
Solitary confinement was one kind of punishment and was considered worse than physical torture. This causes severe damage to the brain. It can make people mad.
Humans are meant to be part of a group.
Those who are lonely are also in some form of solitary confinement, which later results in mental health issues like depression.
It is understandable that nobody chooses to be lonely, however, part of the problem is the person who is lonely too.
People these days are just plain lazy to pick up a phone and talk to someone they know. Just a ‘Hello…hope everything is okay?’.
Most people seem to wait for everyone to inquire about them but nobody inquires about others. I have experienced this all my life too. I am yet to connect with anyone who would bother to inquire about me without selfish interest. That doesn’t stop me from connecting with new people.
However, I did not choose to be lonely. I do not believe that one must interact only with people of the age/social status same as theirs. I try to have small talks anywhere I go. Restaurant owners/people I meet in library and sometimes even strangers I meet at malls while waiting in the queue.
It is always advisable to have some human interaction. It need not be necessarily with your romantic interest.
Sometimes, people who feel lonely must do a self-introspection. What is it that is causing them to be lonely ? Is it their own self-esteem ? Are the people who hang out with not really reciprocating or ignoring them ? In such case, one must understand that not everyone is evil in the world. They must cut off people who ignore them and try to connect with people who are approachable.
Learn to make small talks. Just a sweet smile and ‘Hey…How have you been ?’ opens up the door for a conversation. Show some excitement in the conversation. Compliment others so that they like interacting with you. This will change the perception you have about yourself.
Never stay lonely for a long time. There is someone like you out there who has been waiting for a long time for a human, even a stranger, to just say ‘Hello, How have you been?’”
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