“As a result of working through my own complex trauma, I don’t believe we ever “overcome” trauma. There are many different types and causes of trauma. My psychology prof taught us that everyone is traumatised, because being born is traumatising. But here’s what my personal experience has taught me. I believe we make friends with it. Fist by recognising the pain it caused, then by grieving for what we “lost” as a result (in my case it was my innocence, trust and childhood). 

And when we can look back at part of the experience without flashbacks or that gut-wrenching sting, we are lucid enough to start doing the cognitive work that will allow us to understand what we have gained as a result. We can appreciate how it has allowed us to experience things that have given us a wisdom beyond out years, for example, or an understanding of some aspect of human behaviour that those around us struggle with.

We can reach the stage where we are grateful for the trauma. We wouldn’t want anyone else to experience it, but we are glad that we did because we know how much it has enriched us! 

And every time we get to this stage of acceptance with some aspect of our trauma, the decisions we make are determined less and less by our trauma, and more and more on the strengths our trauma helped us develop! And that’s a truly great place to be.”